Sunday, November 21, 2010

Heterophenomenology

Solution appears at end


George W. Bush lived in Compton as a little kid.

Decades are just arbitrary cut-offs that make it convenient to break time up into sections.  On December 31, 1959, the United States did not go from a state of placid, civilized suburbia to a groovy hippie-fest.  Terms like “the 50’s” and “the 60’s” have shaped the way we view the past.  In some respect, these dividers are useful.  It is difficult to view time as a seamless linear concept.  Breaking the past up into decades allows us to review certain eras from a historical perspective, but it is still important to understand the nature of time.

What’s the difference between an object and a detailed description of an object?

Principle of Explosion

To have a controversial bumper sticker on your car, you have to be a really safe driver.

Did public bathrooms always have liquid soap?  It seems like a relatively new innovation.  But I can’t imagine what they did before liquid soap.  Bar soap would just be gross.

Tibetan Buddhists believe that sneezing can create a moment of clear consciousness, similar to the effects of meditation.  “Bless you.”

Elevators should have benches.

Occasionally I want to leave somewhere for no particular reason, or if I get bored, and whoever I’m with asks “Where are you going?”  There should be a widely-known euphemism for saying that you just feel like leaving.  I suggest “I’m going to a spoon convention.”  Let’s see if it catches on.

Ernest Hemingway, his father, his brother, and his sister all committed suicide.

To say that someone “lost his mind” is to imply that one’s “self” (or soul, if you prefer) resides in his body, independent of the mind.  It seems more accurate to say that someone has “lost his body.”

Note-taking should be considered an art form.


Coffins are always overpriced because the people buying them generally care deeply about the person that will be using it.  Even the cheapest person will cough up some extra cash for their parents’ coffins.  The coffin manufacturers are taking advantage of the mourners!  (Note:  I didn’t do any research into the subject; this is pure speculation).

I eat salads methodically.

There was once a time when people didn’t brush their teeth.

What’s the point of measuring the proof of an alcoholic beverage?  I can’t imagine a situation in which knowing the percentage wouldn’t suffice.  As far as I’m concerned, it was just another term to remember for health tests.

What does a strictly observant Jewish woman do if she is in labor on the Sabbath?  Does she have to hold it in?  Can she have a C-section?

A pedometer sounds like it measures feet.


I often hear that voting is a privilege.  In a democratic society, voting is a right of the citizens.  (Technically the U.S. is a republic, but we won’t get into that)  That is how a democracy functions.  Just because other countries don’t operate under a democracy (and thus, the citizens don’t vote), doesn’t mean that voting in the U.S. is privilege.  Perhaps living in the U.S. is a privilege, but that is certainly arguable.

Cantankerous?  Can’t Anger Us!

No one ever wakes themselves up from their own snoring.  Why is that?

The part of the cell phone where it plugs into the charger should glow in the dark.


Justin Bieber is a Pedophile

Solution to Riddle

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Confusion Counselor



How often do libraries get rid of books?  Theoretically, they have to eliminate books at the same rate as they acquire them (or physically expand their space).  Whose job is it to pick what books get the cabash?  And what do they do with the losers?

Hugh Hefner purchased the crypt space to be buried next to Marilyn Monroe.

Why do you make small talk?  Why don’t you just do it?

Until the 1970s, many states had “Ugly Laws” prohibiting ugly people from appearing in public.

It’s always breaking news when a celebrity dies.  It’s never breaking news when a celebrity is born.


According to a 2003 study conducted at the University of Florida, more of retail store’s inventory is lost due to employee theft than to shoplifting.

If songs are ice, Girl Talk is water.

I enjoy reading YouTube video comments, but I’ve never been bored enough to register a YouTube account and actually comment on a video (okay, I have been that bored but I've never actually done it).  Have you ever listened to a song on YouTube and the video is just a slideshow of photos of the band?  The comments are always fascinating.  “I especially enjoyed the photos.”  “Thanks.”  It makes my day everytime.

How do they estimate how many words are in the English language?

There haven’t been any really famous redheads besides Lucy and Carrot Top.

Regarding species in the animal kingdom, there is a positive correlation between number of mating partners and size of testicles.

In the future, water will cost money at restaurants because of a world-wide water shortage.

Teachers tell us that the meaning of particular poem, song, or other piece of art is not conclusive.  Rather, it is to be determined by the person viewing the art.  It is true that art reflects life in the fact that the meaning of the latter, too, is subjective.  This, however, is not commonly taught at school.

Do bald Sikhs still wear the religious headdress?  How?

“Pontificate” refers to the office of the Pope or bishop.

“Midas Touch” and “mustachio’d” are anagrams.

Pared

“People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.”

"I think in a few years there will be Reality TV Anonymous self-help groups."

“I will not die.  It’s the world that will end.”

“I think the reason I like politics is just because it’s like another sport.”




Friday, November 5, 2010

Time Turns Elastic


The clock on the wall means nothing at all
As time turns elastic
Like a jellybean transformed into silly putty
By a magical wizard
            `
Who lives in a forest
Controlled by a thousand elves-
512 of which are female
(of course, leaving the other 488 to be male).

Yeah, that’s totally what happened.