Free Hat

"One night I was sitting on the bed in my hotel room on Buker Hill, down in the middle of Los Angeles. It was an important night in my life, because I had to make a decision about the hotel. Either I paid up or I got out: that was what the note said, the note the landlady had put under my door. A great problem, deserving acute attention. I solved it by turning out the lights and going to bed." 

-John Fante

The PB Conundrum

It’s kind of bizarre that inmates on death row are often able to get to choose their last meal.  They’ve all been convicted of a heinous crime, and the state has decided that they don’t have the right to live anymore.  But you want a prime rib and three quarts of Ben and Jerry’s before we kill you?  Sure, no problem!  I think this is the result of the government putting themselves in the shoes of someone on death row.  “Well, if I was gonna die, I would at least want some blueberry pancakes to look forward to.”  The whole thing doesn’t make sense.  By sentencing someone to death, you are effectively saying that they don’t deserve anything.  The right to live is the most fundamental of all rights, right?  It’s contradictory to then say, “I do feel kind of bad for them.  We’ll let ‘em go out with a few hundred more calories.”

Amazon is now selling more e-books than regular books.

I wonder if a recycled good has ever been purchased by the same consumer twice.  Yesterday I got a strange sensation of déjà vu while drinking a can of Coke.

You are probably less popular than your friends

One out of ten people in Alaska has a driver’s license.  One out of six has a pilot’s license.

Don’t think outside of the box.  Think about the box.

I wanted to find out if the words “minute” (pronounced minuht) and “minute” (pronounced mynoot) were related in origin.  I soon found out how hard this is to do using Google.

Soldiers should be given the option of having GPS devices implanted in them.  This could be used as a tool for recovering them if they are captured, or determining if they are still alive.

I wonder if anyone has moved somewhere in order to be near a certain sports team and its fans.  Or, if when a sports team moves from one city to another (e.g. Lakers, Dodgers), has anyone moved with the team?

'The Medium is the Message' Meaning

In the future, Facebook will automatically tag you in photos based on facial recognition technology.

When you say that words can’t describe something, you have just used words to describe it.  Or have you?  This reminds me of the liar’s paradox.

Modernism is like your father

Light Reading

My Encounter with Conan O’Brian on 4^th & Broadway

I saw you coming

Averted my gaze quickly

Think you did the same

The Doors

Jews are half-Christian.  They just stop at the Old Testament.

Humans Raised by Animals

Facebook status you never see:  _____ is taking a crap.

Cloud Appreciation Society

If you’re referring to the Matrix movies collectively, would you call them the Matrices?

Guess what company says that “making friends is our business."

How is it that every girl has the same big, round handwriting?  Is this what they learned when they separated the girls from the guys in health class?

Memetics

I’m getting sick of people taking the transitive property out of its mathematical context and using it in the real world.  Is it just me?  Yeah, I kind of figured.

Accent Detection

I wish I could listen to some songs without understanding the lyrics.

Anti-Jokes

When someone says, “I’ve got it down to a science,” they seldom do.  A science is a standardized method of gathering information based on empirical evidence and hypothesis testing.

Rain-making Bacteria

Local Natives Go Abroad

Existenchill

I saw two people simultaneously try to get in the same line.  The funny part was that neither person wanted to get behind the other, and they both refused to verbally resolve the situation.  Instead, they both tried to passively establish the front place in line by shimmying in front of one another slowly over the course of the minute or so that they were waiting.  Then I woke up and wondered why I have such mundane dreams.

The second half of a sports game is always more important than the first half.

There should be a “random video” button on Youtube.

Dead Athletes

Critics evaluate and review different things; they don’t just point out the flaws of them.  Therefore, the words “criticize” and “critique” shouldn’t connote negativity, just judgment.

The shape of a Pringle chip is a hyperbolic paraboloid.

Why aren’t Larry David and Sasha Baron Cohen in more productions?

Bowling is the only sport where the professionals execute the best possible action (i.e. throw a strike) most of the time.  If baseball was like that, scores would be astronomical and the games would go into hundreds of innings.

TRUE FACT: I met a 4th generation Napoleon.

Without using a ruler, it’s easier to draw a straight vertical line than a straight horizontal line.

It doesn’t make sense to say that “life is good.”  Good is a relative term, and we have no other lives to compare ours to.  Even our perceptions of others’ lives are just that:  perceptions.  They are from our point of view, not theirs.

Bieber & Jesus

FALSE FACT: The average black widow spider lives to be older than the average tortoise.

The metamorphosis of her appearance was Gagaesque.

I’m always puzzled when a stranger asks me to watch her stuff “for a second.”  Who are you worried about taking it?  A stranger.  Who am I?  A stranger!  It must be my honest eyes.

Alarm clocks should automatically stop ringing after two minutes.

The First Rapper Sings