Part-time Mom, Full-time Gangster

Sociable, the Tandem Alternative

In the not-too-distant future, there will be no tangible forms of money.

It would be very inconvenient to live near the imaginary line that divides time zones.  I wonder if towns on the border specify whether events are going to occur at 2pm EST or Central, for the convenience of the citizens.  On the bright side, it would be very easy to build a time machine there.

Wayne is Insane

To be or to do, that is the question.

As a child, I always assumed football was synonymous with the NFL, basketball was synonymous with the NBA, etc.  I guess the marketers of major sports leagues are doing their jobs well.

The ocean is blue because the water itself is (slightly) blue.  This is only noticeable with a fairly large amount of water.

Interestingness is the derivate of beauty.

Common Misconceptions

Pitcher Gus Weyhing holds the MLB record for hitting the most batters in a career.  Not exactly the most honorable record.

The term “lol” no longer solely stands for “laughing out loud.”  With the soaring popularity of text messaging, lol has taken on a life of its own.  It is now used in varying contexts, with a meaning that is often something along the lines of “that was funny” (in response to a joke) or “isn’t that funny?” (as in, “this class is pointless like a dull pencil lol.”  Also, it is sometimes just used as a placeholder to respond to a message where no other response is warranted.

To do: Eat a Krispy Kreme cheeseburger

Chess Homosexuality

Crocodiles and alligators come from the same order but a different family.  The latter’s snout is wider than the former’s, giving it a more powerful crushing force.

What’s the difference between the words instantly and instantaneously?

The people who come up with Sky Mall ideas should become scientists and politicians.

Syncing up the cartoon characters’ mouth movements with the audio track of a TV show must be extremely tedious.

The Onion: Equal Opportunities for Slackers

“There’s a moth in the wine.  Not sleeping.  I carried the team on this one.”

“Information is only as valuable as its source.”

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science."

Discovery Covers the Jackson 5

Throwin' Spaghetti

I haven't updated SITP in a little bit.  But I guess that's a good thing because it means that I have been doing stuff.  Let's see... Since my last post I went to Six Flags, went to NYC to see a concert (Neon Indian, sorta), went to Philly to see a concert (MGMT), went to Chicago, celebrated a birthday, and finished writing a sitcom, among other things.

So now here I am, back where I started.  It's always fun to do something new.  After all, "spontaneity is the jewel of the Nile."  However, comfort is oft found in repetition and predictability.  Why do you think so many people choose to go to the same 9-5 daily, only to come home to the same house with the same family year after year?

I try to find a middle ground between extemporaneousness and consistency.

Colorado

Fun for the whole family tends to mean fun for the kids.

Poetically speaking, if one of the Beatles was going to be assassinated, I’m glad that it was John Lennon.

A tongue can’t taste itself.

The realization that celebrities are just people, as opposed to the superhuman archetype that they are often made out to be, is a minor example of a personal metaphysical awakening.  If you continue to think this way, you may be surprised with your discoveries.

I wonder if two football players have ever switched uniforms before a game.

I’d rather explore the world than change it.

The naked boy swimming on the cover of Nirvana’s Nevermind now probably talks about it all the time to pick up women.

Trains are becoming obsolete.  The technology involved with the basic freight or passenger train hasn’t evolved much at all in the past 200 years.  Plus, they just feel archaic.  In a couple of generations, trains as we know them will seem as old-fashioned as black and white televisions.

There’s too much advice out there.  Everyone is trying to help each other but no one knows what they want.

Worthless is the opposite of priceless.

Shaq at his finest

Download "Beach City"

Left-handed Piano

“If the government doesn’t trust the people, why doesn’t it dissolve them and elect a new people?”

Inaction in Action

Some religious people claim that religion and science can go hand in hand.  They assert that science can be carefully implemented to learn more about the world that God created.  I generally disagree with this sentiment. 

There is a bit of evidence to support the zealot.  For example, the Big Bang Theory states that both space and time began as a single dimensionless point, called singularity.  Before this moment, spacetime did not exist as we know it.  This singularity, then, may entail some sort of creator from which the universe and thus, life as we know it, was created. 

This seems to give some validity to the aforementioned pious people.  It may be true that religion can use science for certain aspects.  However, the scientific method will surely do away with any conception of a personal god, such as the one depicted within the set of Judeo-Christian-Islamic faiths.  Science encourages questioning the foundations upon which a belief system is based.  From a scientific standpoint, it is quite clear that, as far as we know, there is no such thing as a personal god.  The burden of proof relies on the theist, forcing any rational person to be an atheist.

"Shut the fuck up!"

Is it possible to drive cross country without paying any tolls?

You know those reflective sheets that people put in front of their windshield to keep the car cool on a sunny day?  There should be a car that has those built in to the sides, so you would just need to press a button for them to automatically slide in front of the windshield.

Did you know:  There is a nationwide shortage of clothes hangers, caused by a high tariff.

“Las dias,” said sal.

Why is Sunday considered the weekend if it is the first day of the week?

Myspace is now almost identical to Facebook.

Jimi Hendrix couldn’t read sheet music.  Also, neither could Ray Charles…

Most dogs have never been in a grocery store.

Polar Bear Jokes

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

“They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven't proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven't seen the stats on that yet.”

“Hospital gowns are the poor man’s snuggies.”

“Not only is abortion murder but it's also larceny, jaywalking and securities fraud.”

“There is no purpose of life.  There is purpose in life.”

Kelly Clarkson covers the Black Keys

A poem by Christoph Kienzle:


Some
People
Order
Nutmeg
Tofu
Anyway
Nobody
Every
Orders
Unagi
Soup

Literally the Most Expensive Music Video

Travel On

Riddle Time

Read this quickly one time, and try to answer the question that follows:

Dexter's father's son is his brother and his uncle.  How?

The answer appears below the video.

Riddle Answer: 

Dexter is Catholic. His Pastor (AKA father) is his grandfather.  His uncle was in his fraternity, so they are frat brothers. Oh, come on. It’s not that far-fetched!

“Ask yourself why totalitarian dictatorships find it necessary to pour money and effort into propaganda for their own helpless, chained, gagged slaves, who have no means of protest or defense. The answer is that even the humblest peasant or the lowest savage would rise in blind rebellion, were he to realize that he is being immolated, not to some incomprehensible "noble purpose," but to plain, naked human evil.”

Riddle Time

Read this quickly one time, and try to answer the question that follows:

Jake and his 8 friends go down to the subway and take the 4 train to Murphy’s bakery.  After looking at the 12 types of cookies, they decide to get a box of chocolate chocolate chip.  If 72 come in a box, how many cookies do each of the friends get?

The answer appears below the video.

Riddle Answer: 8 (There are 9 friends, including Jake)

What does Brian Eno think of Brian Eno? 

GPS’s should show the speed limit of the road you are driving on.

The “close” buttons in elevators only work with a key.

For the most part, every event in a work of fiction contributes directly to either plot or character development.  This makes sense, but is somewhat unrealistic.

The average yawn lasts about six seconds.

Is “aquaria” the plural form of “aquarium?”

Drinking Laws

There should be an iPod feature that allows listeners to pause a playlist, listen to a different song, and go back to the playlist where it was left off.

Practically every insurance company claims that “people who switched saved an average of ___ hundred dollars.”  Keep in mind that almost everyone that makes an educated decision to switch from one insurance company to another is doing so to save money.  Nobody switches to lose money.

Did you yawn at all yet?  I put in a yawn picture and a yawn fact to try to induce yawning.

Kathy Bates and Andrew from MGMT went to the same high school.

Puma and Adidas were created by brothers Rudolph and Adi Dassler, respectively.  They were both members of the Nazi Party. 

Why is the west coast hotter than the east coast? 

The numbers on a roulette wheel add up to 666.

If you didn't yawn already, have you yawned by now?  Did you yawn twice?  If not, try to get someone to yawn by yawning loudly near them.  Or get a job.

The Strokes cover Marvin Gaye

Collective Effervescence

This is my 50th blog post!  Well, technically it's my 51st, but one of the earlier ones was more of a Facebook post than a blog post.  Either way, I am still surprised that I had the patience and commitment (and had nothing better to do) to make this possible.

Little did I know that when I was bored one afternoon on The Ocho, I would create something that I would still be working on months later.  On the same day, my friend, Jon, created thelifesaverblog.blogspot.com.  Clearly, SITP is much better, but I still give him credit for trying.

My point here is that, well, ... I guess I don't really have a point.  I just wanted to brag that I've now wasted several hours of my life on something as meaningless as a website filled with musings and pictures I stole from the internet.

So, in conclusion, I'm glad that I've come this far and I look forward to bragging about my 100th post (or 101st on a technicality).

Why aren’t there rippled barbeque chips?

“Two words… or maybe five.”

If you answer three questions incorrectly on “Cash Cab”, you are forced to get out of the taxi, regardless of where it is with respect to your destination.  There are some episodes that are filmed at night.  It would be funny if during one of these episodes, a contestant gets kicked out of the cab in the middle of the ghetto.

Andy Warhol was shot two days before Roger F. Kennedy was assassinated.

It would save all of the companies in any given field a lot of money if they made an agreement not to advertise.

How do cracker taste-testers cleanse their palates?

The Peter Principle

There is a big difference between being self-conscious and self-aware.

Sometimes I watch TV shows that I’m not supposed to, according to my demographic, just to fool the advertisers.

Why are there green arrows on traffic lights at 1 o’clock in the morning?  It would be more efficient to just have green lights.  (If you are trying to drive straight through the intersection, you are stuck with a red light until the green arrow on the opposing side is through.  Most of the time, there won’t be any cars turning left, creating time wasted at an intersection.)

If I was an astronaut that walked on the moon, I would leave a note to future moon-dwellers.

How is that long-term project going for you?  You didn’t start it, did you?  If you did, by now, you could have accomplished something pretty cool.  You should actually start one now.  I’ll check in with you later.

Put the toilet paper rolls higher up.  People use toilet paper while standing, not while they are sitting on the toilet.

My "Wouldn't It Be Nice Cover"

Rebel without Applause; The Copenhagen Situation

If I was playing in the World Series of Poker, I would wear clothing with a bunch of advertisements on it, so that the other players think that I’m really good.

Create numbered plastic cups so everyone knows which is theirs, without having to bust out the Sharpie.

Free speech is expensive.

Why do baseball catchers bother wearing a baseball cap in the first place?  For the other players, it shields sun from their eyes.  The catcher wears his hat backwards, rendering it about as important as a broken wristwatch.

I saw a doctor spit recently.  It was a little uncomfortable.

Sometimes when I’m in an awkward situation (like passing someone in a long corridor where you can see them coming from far away), I start solving math equations in my head.  Figuring out the square root of 256 is easier than deciding how much- if any- eye contact to make with someone that I’m walking by.

Think of something else.

Are mailmen allowed to smoke in their trucks?  I’ve never seen it happen.

Kelsey Grammer, the actor who plays Frasier, was the original voice of the Geico gecko.

Make concert earplugs that blend into your ears (and aren’t fluorescent).  Wearing earplugs isn’t something that people generally want to flaunt.

There is no need to pay a fee to use an ATM.  You can go to a Wal-mart, buy a pack of gum, and get up to $100 cash back.

 “A horse is not a home.”

“My tolerance is pretty high now.  No pun intended.”

“Maybe you’ll find direction where it’s been waiting to meet you.”

“How would you feel… if you parked in a blind person’s spot?”

“Our past is pear-shaped.”

“Maybe for you paper should be more of a hobby.”

Metaleptic Pataphor

Ethnocentrism is the idea that people tend to believe that their personal culture is is the standard against which all is measured.  This concept is implicitly cultivated in the minds of children as they grow up.  It seems that people are naturally hard-wired to perceive the world from a single point of view, and do not try to consider the fact that different folks in different parts of the world in different cultures share different ideals and have different behaviors.


A blind man listens very closely to his surroundings, while a deaf man treasures his sight.  A bat uses sonar to detect where prey may be, while an insect waves its antennae around.  Children in wealthy neighborhoods play tennis, while their peers in the inner city play basketball.  My point is that various groups of people share various customs and have varied values.  This leads to completely eclectic world views.


Because there are so many different personal philosophies, reasons for existence, lists of ideals, etc., it doesn't make sense to hold everyone accountable for the same universal list of values.  Specifically, I am referring any type of law, regulation, rule, or religion that is imposed on a group of people.  I understand that "without any laws, the world would be chaotic."  However, at least in theory, there is no reason why a governing body should determine what someone else can and cannot do.  But I digress...

The maximum penalty for threatening a US judge is 10 years imprisonment.  That is double the maximum penalty for threatening a US president.

Is there a really a big difference between a virus that effects humans and one that effects computers?

Bluetooth devices are named after Harald “Bluetooth” Gormsson, a king of Denmark.  This is evident by the Bluetooth logo, which contains the Nordic symbols for “H.B.”

Bowling is definitely one of the lamest sports.  It is a stretch to say that it involves competition, as your actions are never based on the actions of your competitor.  On every turn, your strategy is identical:  knock as many pins down as possible.  Once you figure out how to bowl a strike, repetition of this action will eventually cause it to become part of your muscle memory.  There is slightly more physical activity than, say, golf, but significantly less than almost any other sport.  Also, most professional bowlers look like cops.

Only the phone numbers 555-0100 through 555-0199 are currently reserved for fictional use.  Other 555 numbers may be actual phone numbers.

With the advent of synthetic opiates, heroin has become passé.  It died out in the 90s with Kurt Cobain.

TRIVIA TIME:

“Tongue,” “dish,” and “Broadway” are all metonyms.  Can you figure out what a metonym is? 

Malcolm Gladwell Interview

I hate when, at concerts, the lead singer points the microphone at the crowd instead of singing the lines himself.  I came here to see you perform.  I can hear myself sing in the shower whenever I want.

Bananas are berries.

The beginning of “Sleepyhead” by Passion Pit features a sample from a Jack Kerouac spoken word album. (0:24 into the video)

The United States does not have an official language.

Fun with grammar!

 

“Put your hands down, bitch.  I ain’t gonna shoot you.  I’ma pull you to this bullet and put it through you.”

“Curiosity killed the cat but for awhile I was a suspect.”

“The search for connections is the search for connectedness.”

Dir. by Spike Jonze