Gastromancy

"Don't try."

-Bukowski's epitaph

We can never really know what it felt like to be alive a couple hundred years ago; we can only make inferences based on available artifacts, like texts and photographs.  In the future, people will have a much better understanding of what it is like to live in this time period.  

Our society spends increasingly enormous amounts of time inputting information online.  This data creates a sketch of our thought processes and thus, who we are.  Think about the last few things you typed into Google, or your most recent tweet.  The internet is collecting unbelievable amounts of information, all the time.  

I’m not sure exactly how future humans will be impacted by the accessibility of historical data, but it will certainly allow them to become more in tune with the human culture as it evolves.

Guess what the colors represent (answer below)

“Can I ask you a question?” means “I’m going to ask you an uncomfortable question.”

I have trouble cutting my fingernails because they fly everywhere, instead of falling straight into the trash can.  There should be some kind of mechanism that solves this problem.

What "beg the question" actually means

I don’t know anything.  Or, more precisely, I don’t know whether or not I know anything, or can know anything.  I am enslaved by my ignorance, I think.   

RFD:  Lauryn Hill and Zach Braff went to the same high school.  Apparently everyone really liked Lauryn, but Zach was kind of a jerk.  And Lauryn went to Zach’s Bar Mitzvah.

The starving African children don’t give a shit whether or not you finish your vegetables.

Tattoos?  I can barely commit to a haircut.  

The Better Business Bureau is bullshit

Z e n t i p:  Spend the first and last 5 minutes of every day meditating.

The more I learn, the more wonderful things become

The graphic above shows which side of the road countries drive on.  Red is right, blue is left.  What did you think it was?

Sonic Smoke Rings

“There seems to be no alternative to accepting some sort of incomprehensible quality to existence.  Take your pick.  We all fluctuate delicately between a subjective and objective view of the world, and this quandary is central to human nature.”

-Douglas Hofstadter

Open Your Mind

When I’m actively listening to music, I tend to start bobbing my head and dancing to myself; I let the song move me.  Unfortunately, the more I dance, the more difficult it becomes to focus on the music.  Enjoying music is a struggle between focus and dance.  Reminds me of life…

A typeface is not a font.

One man’s brainwashing is another man’s education.

My Plan

1. Find out the full name of a stranger
2. Make a shirt with his name on it
3. Sit down across from him in a public place
4. Act nonchalant and avoid eye contact

Prices should be listed post-tax.  I don’t care how much money the store receives, I just care about how much I have to pay.

Stephen Hawking's Kids Book

Is it legal to not have a name?

RFD:  The title of this post comes from a Pitchfork article.

As a kid, I was shocked to learn that the computer processor – not the monitor – was the brains of the machine.  I only had experience dealing with the big bright display screen, and had given little thought to the dull box tucked under the desk.  This is similar to learning that although the eyes take in light, it is mostly the brain that is responsible for interpreting it into meaningful images.

The heath bar is the most underrated candy bar.

No Fat Jokes

Anti-Mimetics

In between thinking and typing, I'm staring at the wall, directly above my laptop.  My class schedule is taped to the wall, ever-so-slightly tilted clockwise (but not flamboyant enough to warrant repositioning).  Six different classes are listed on the schedule, three of which are color-coded.  Management is green (for money),  Information Systems is yellow because it makes me slightly uncomfortable, and Transportation is pink because of how serious the material is.  The rest of my classes are unhighlighted because I only had three colors.


"Die 666 Kill Murder" is scribbled fiercely on top of the schedule.  I assume my friend - who has pseudo multiple personality disorder, one of whom is a sociopath - did this when I stepped out.


The white board on my desk is blank, my schedule is open, my pockets are empty.  Well, to be fair, I'm wearing pajamas.  In addition to being more comfortable than jeans or khakis, pajamas put me at ease.  The clothing that you wear affects that way that people treat you and how you feel about yourself.  Suits force others to take you seriously (to an extent), and pajamas allow me to embrace being done with work for the day and enjoy the rest of the night.


There is a poster of Tommy Sandoval ollieing a huge grass gap, hanging directly above my schedule.  Suspended mid-air, the photograph capture's Sandoval's brief weightlessness atop a piece of plywood.  With the paved run up behind him and the parking lot landing ahead, he is able to appreciate a split-second equilibrium where the present is the only thing that matters.


Our possessions are an extension of who we are.  The way we interact with our environment defines us.  Is there a reality independent of perception?

Source

“Smart phones are only as smart as the owner”

-Andre, Facebook status

Searching for Service

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are even dumber."

-George Carlin

Originality

I don’t want to change the world, I want to become it.

Good idea

While eating a chewy granola bar, my jar started getting tired.  I reasoned that the more I ate, the more energy I would get from the nourishment.  So I kept eating.

Putting the wrong key in the door is like nails on a chalkboard.

Tattoo idea:  "here" on one side, "now" on the other

There’s a big difference between doing good and doing well.

The original salute for the pledge (the Bellamy Salute) involved sticking one’s arm straight out, diagonally toward the ceiling.  The Nazis adopted it later.

The Sleeping Beauty Problem

There is a service at my school that allows students to participate in a mock interview in order to improve their interview skills.  I wonder what the interview process is like for the person applying to be a mock interviewer.  Does the applicant ask the questions?

"Inclination" is pretty popular, but no one uses the word “declination.”

Maybe cognitive inertia only exists because of cognitive inertia.

Oddihear

Lemon Lift

  “Remember the days when you didn’t have to type in an area code?  Those were the days.”

-Jon

"Most people never ask"

In a two-story house, bedrooms are always on the second story.  I think I’ve figured it out:  no one wants to wake up in the morning and walk upstairs.

“Solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short”

When teachers say “That’s actually a perfect segway,” it’s no longer a perfect segway.

I just had a dream that I was back home, then realized it was a memory.

WOTD:  naïveté (n) the state of being naïve

Part of me wants to call a suicide hotline and talk about suicide from a purely philosophical perspective.  The rest of me is not an asshole.

Poetry is language art.

Wikipedia is vehemently opposed to running ads, unless the ads are for Wikipedia.  The way I see it, there are two reasons the website opposes ads:  they are annoying, and there would be conflicts of interest between the content and the advertisers.  The banner space pleading readers to donate money to keep Wikipedia running are identical to normal ads in these regards.  They are as annoying as banner ads.  Also, keep in mind that Wikipedia is a firm itself, albeit a non-profit.  The same conflicts of interest arise between Wikipedia, the donation-seeking firm and Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia that provides free content.

Eat it when you’re hungry.  Food goes bad.

Jesus may not have been hanged.

Adding milk to eggs just dilutes the flavor.  This tactic was popularized during the Depression to stretch out the food supply.

What is the official rule for articles preceding words that start with a consonant but make the sound of a vowel?  Is it “a NFL game” or “an NFL game?”

Yucky

I Think I Am

In school I learned that Indonesian puppet shows typically feature similar characters, story lines, and morals.  The most popular variety is about a warrior on a quest to rescue a princess in the face of monstrous enemies, like dragons or whatever.  The gamelan music played during these performances is always similar, along with the shapes and voices of the puppets and puppeteers, respectively.  I remember thinking at the time that it must get boring for the Indonesian people to see essentially the same story over and over again in different puppet shows.  Then I thought about movies in the United States.

I’m never quite sure how big an acre is.  It is lumped in the “unclear measurements” category along with furlong and cubit.

Writers love to write about writing.

UPDATE:  Actually heard someone refer to the Matrix movies as the “Matrices.”

Benjamin Franklin was the first person to use pictures in newspaper advertisements.

I always set my alarm for “even” times, though it may be less practical.  For example, I can calculate that it will take me exactly 27 minutes to leisurely wake up, get ready, and walk to class.  However, instead of setting my alarm for 10:03 (when my class is at 10:30), I’ll set it for 10:00.  There’s just something weird about a 10:03 alarm.  The world runs on 5 minute intervals.

A simile is a metaphor.  A metaphor is like a simile.

Affirmative Action Bake Sale

Unionized:  union-ized or un-ion-ized?

Every time I go to the butcher, he asks me how thick I want my slices of meat.  I don’t understand why anyone would have a preference.  After all, multiple slices typically go in one sandwich.  I guess theoretically you have more specific control over how much meat goes into a particular sandwich if the slices are really thin.  But who cares?  … Is my life really this mundane?

We hear the ideas of those who will their ideas to be heard.  We read the books of those who publish their words.  Perhaps we would benefit from hearing the other side that hides in the shadows.

RFD:  There is exactly one variety of locusts that is kosher.

Do meteorologists actually compile scientific data to determine the forecast, or are they merely television personalities?

There aren’t really any professional sports teams that think outside of the box.  Overwhelmingly, the overall strategies within a league are exhaustingly similar.  Innovation is the footwear of success.  For example, a running back on the Rams could anonymously murder the families of the players that tackle him.  Eventually a pattern would emerge and people would realize that the mysterious deaths of these NFL families all happen a day after the Rams games.  The opponents would think twice about tackling said running back, and he would be able to run the ball into the end zone every play.  Notice that this strategy does not violate any NFL rules.

 “You’re the only duck in my pond”

Casual Ambulance

Why does the term “doctor” exist?  To some degree, it makes sense to have a title for medical doctors, as it makes the patients feel more at ease.  They’re not getting their rectum examined by Joe Stethoscope, but by Doctor Stethoscope. 

On the other hand, when someone gets a PhD in Greco-Roman classical studies, there is no need for a special title; a degree will suffice.  I have difficulty thinking of a situation in which there is an urgent need to know whether or not someone has recieved an advanced degree in a specialized area of academia.  "Oh my God!  Jimmy will only survive if we can name the protagnists in Homer's major epics.  Is there a Greco-Roman classical studies PhD in the house?" 

"Doctor" as a title is more for showiness than practicality.  When you introduce yourself as a doctor because you can, you have only succeeded in communicating the idea that you want the introducees to know that you are a doctor.  That being said, if I ever become a doctor, I will insist that everyone refers to me as such, all the time.

Because being nice without a megaphone is weird

No matter where life takes me, I always end up clipping my fingernails.


Figure out how the following are related:  waves, couches, the internet.

Syntax refers to words, semantics refers to their meanings.  The next time someone claims that an argument is “just semantics” because of differences in terminology, tell him that he is wrong.  And then kick him.

Interesting Number Paradox

All pencils are colored pencils.

I wonder if I’ve ever posted the same thing twice in different blog posts.  I also wonder if this is the first time I’ve “broken the fourth wall” by explicitly referring to this blog in this blog.  Does that make you uncomfortable?  Lastly, I wonder why I feel the need to qualify my thoughts with “I wonder.”  Obviously I am wondering these things.  But even after this realization, I didn’t go back to remove the “I wonders” from my blog, or even this brief rant.  By the way, I just referenced my blog again.  And again.  Etc.

 The sepia tone is named after a genus of cuttlefish, all of which are light brown.

Most optometrists wear glasses.  I’m convinced it’s because of the savings they get on eyewear. 

Facebook Privacy

“Under God” was added to the pledge in the 50’s during the Cold War, in order to make a statement to the communist Russians.

There should be a term for that brief eye contact you have with a stranger before you both look away.

Beard Folk



Answer:  things you surf