Anti-Mimetics

In between thinking and typing, I'm staring at the wall, directly above my laptop.  My class schedule is taped to the wall, ever-so-slightly tilted clockwise (but not flamboyant enough to warrant repositioning).  Six different classes are listed on the schedule, three of which are color-coded.  Management is green (for money),  Information Systems is yellow because it makes me slightly uncomfortable, and Transportation is pink because of how serious the material is.  The rest of my classes are unhighlighted because I only had three colors.


"Die 666 Kill Murder" is scribbled fiercely on top of the schedule.  I assume my friend - who has pseudo multiple personality disorder, one of whom is a sociopath - did this when I stepped out.


The white board on my desk is blank, my schedule is open, my pockets are empty.  Well, to be fair, I'm wearing pajamas.  In addition to being more comfortable than jeans or khakis, pajamas put me at ease.  The clothing that you wear affects that way that people treat you and how you feel about yourself.  Suits force others to take you seriously (to an extent), and pajamas allow me to embrace being done with work for the day and enjoy the rest of the night.


There is a poster of Tommy Sandoval ollieing a huge grass gap, hanging directly above my schedule.  Suspended mid-air, the photograph capture's Sandoval's brief weightlessness atop a piece of plywood.  With the paved run up behind him and the parking lot landing ahead, he is able to appreciate a split-second equilibrium where the present is the only thing that matters.


Our possessions are an extension of who we are.  The way we interact with our environment defines us.  Is there a reality independent of perception?

Source

“Smart phones are only as smart as the owner”

-Andre, Facebook status

Searching for Service

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are even dumber."

-George Carlin

Originality

I don’t want to change the world, I want to become it.

Good idea

While eating a chewy granola bar, my jar started getting tired.  I reasoned that the more I ate, the more energy I would get from the nourishment.  So I kept eating.

Putting the wrong key in the door is like nails on a chalkboard.

Tattoo idea:  "here" on one side, "now" on the other

There’s a big difference between doing good and doing well.

The original salute for the pledge (the Bellamy Salute) involved sticking one’s arm straight out, diagonally toward the ceiling.  The Nazis adopted it later.

The Sleeping Beauty Problem

There is a service at my school that allows students to participate in a mock interview in order to improve their interview skills.  I wonder what the interview process is like for the person applying to be a mock interviewer.  Does the applicant ask the questions?

"Inclination" is pretty popular, but no one uses the word “declination.”

Maybe cognitive inertia only exists because of cognitive inertia.

Oddihear

Lemon Lift

  “Remember the days when you didn’t have to type in an area code?  Those were the days.”

-Jon

"Most people never ask"

In a two-story house, bedrooms are always on the second story.  I think I’ve figured it out:  no one wants to wake up in the morning and walk upstairs.

“Solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short”

When teachers say “That’s actually a perfect segway,” it’s no longer a perfect segway.

I just had a dream that I was back home, then realized it was a memory.

WOTD:  naïveté (n) the state of being naïve

Part of me wants to call a suicide hotline and talk about suicide from a purely philosophical perspective.  The rest of me is not an asshole.

Poetry is language art.

Wikipedia is vehemently opposed to running ads, unless the ads are for Wikipedia.  The way I see it, there are two reasons the website opposes ads:  they are annoying, and there would be conflicts of interest between the content and the advertisers.  The banner space pleading readers to donate money to keep Wikipedia running are identical to normal ads in these regards.  They are as annoying as banner ads.  Also, keep in mind that Wikipedia is a firm itself, albeit a non-profit.  The same conflicts of interest arise between Wikipedia, the donation-seeking firm and Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia that provides free content.

Eat it when you’re hungry.  Food goes bad.

Jesus may not have been hanged.

Adding milk to eggs just dilutes the flavor.  This tactic was popularized during the Depression to stretch out the food supply.

What is the official rule for articles preceding words that start with a consonant but make the sound of a vowel?  Is it “a NFL game” or “an NFL game?”

Yucky

I Think I Am

In school I learned that Indonesian puppet shows typically feature similar characters, story lines, and morals.  The most popular variety is about a warrior on a quest to rescue a princess in the face of monstrous enemies, like dragons or whatever.  The gamelan music played during these performances is always similar, along with the shapes and voices of the puppets and puppeteers, respectively.  I remember thinking at the time that it must get boring for the Indonesian people to see essentially the same story over and over again in different puppet shows.  Then I thought about movies in the United States.

I’m never quite sure how big an acre is.  It is lumped in the “unclear measurements” category along with furlong and cubit.

Writers love to write about writing.

UPDATE:  Actually heard someone refer to the Matrix movies as the “Matrices.”

Benjamin Franklin was the first person to use pictures in newspaper advertisements.

I always set my alarm for “even” times, though it may be less practical.  For example, I can calculate that it will take me exactly 27 minutes to leisurely wake up, get ready, and walk to class.  However, instead of setting my alarm for 10:03 (when my class is at 10:30), I’ll set it for 10:00.  There’s just something weird about a 10:03 alarm.  The world runs on 5 minute intervals.

A simile is a metaphor.  A metaphor is like a simile.

Affirmative Action Bake Sale

Unionized:  union-ized or un-ion-ized?

Every time I go to the butcher, he asks me how thick I want my slices of meat.  I don’t understand why anyone would have a preference.  After all, multiple slices typically go in one sandwich.  I guess theoretically you have more specific control over how much meat goes into a particular sandwich if the slices are really thin.  But who cares?  … Is my life really this mundane?

We hear the ideas of those who will their ideas to be heard.  We read the books of those who publish their words.  Perhaps we would benefit from hearing the other side that hides in the shadows.

RFD:  There is exactly one variety of locusts that is kosher.

Do meteorologists actually compile scientific data to determine the forecast, or are they merely television personalities?

There aren’t really any professional sports teams that think outside of the box.  Overwhelmingly, the overall strategies within a league are exhaustingly similar.  Innovation is the footwear of success.  For example, a running back on the Rams could anonymously murder the families of the players that tackle him.  Eventually a pattern would emerge and people would realize that the mysterious deaths of these NFL families all happen a day after the Rams games.  The opponents would think twice about tackling said running back, and he would be able to run the ball into the end zone every play.  Notice that this strategy does not violate any NFL rules.

 “You’re the only duck in my pond”

Casual Ambulance

Why does the term “doctor” exist?  To some degree, it makes sense to have a title for medical doctors, as it makes the patients feel more at ease.  They’re not getting their rectum examined by Joe Stethoscope, but by Doctor Stethoscope. 

On the other hand, when someone gets a PhD in Greco-Roman classical studies, there is no need for a special title; a degree will suffice.  I have difficulty thinking of a situation in which there is an urgent need to know whether or not someone has recieved an advanced degree in a specialized area of academia.  "Oh my God!  Jimmy will only survive if we can name the protagnists in Homer's major epics.  Is there a Greco-Roman classical studies PhD in the house?" 

"Doctor" as a title is more for showiness than practicality.  When you introduce yourself as a doctor because you can, you have only succeeded in communicating the idea that you want the introducees to know that you are a doctor.  That being said, if I ever become a doctor, I will insist that everyone refers to me as such, all the time.

Because being nice without a megaphone is weird

No matter where life takes me, I always end up clipping my fingernails.


Figure out how the following are related:  waves, couches, the internet.

Syntax refers to words, semantics refers to their meanings.  The next time someone claims that an argument is “just semantics” because of differences in terminology, tell him that he is wrong.  And then kick him.

Interesting Number Paradox

All pencils are colored pencils.

I wonder if I’ve ever posted the same thing twice in different blog posts.  I also wonder if this is the first time I’ve “broken the fourth wall” by explicitly referring to this blog in this blog.  Does that make you uncomfortable?  Lastly, I wonder why I feel the need to qualify my thoughts with “I wonder.”  Obviously I am wondering these things.  But even after this realization, I didn’t go back to remove the “I wonders” from my blog, or even this brief rant.  By the way, I just referenced my blog again.  And again.  Etc.

 The sepia tone is named after a genus of cuttlefish, all of which are light brown.

Most optometrists wear glasses.  I’m convinced it’s because of the savings they get on eyewear. 

Facebook Privacy

“Under God” was added to the pledge in the 50’s during the Cold War, in order to make a statement to the communist Russians.

There should be a term for that brief eye contact you have with a stranger before you both look away.

Beard Folk



Answer:  things you surf

Psychosemantic Analyticity

Currently:

Wondering:  If science is preferable to mysticism
Listening to:  "A Ghost is Born" by Wilco
Reading:  "The Psychedelic Experience" by Watts
Working on:  How to market coconut water

Botstalking

When I was a kid, I met the couple that introduced my parents for the first time decades ago.  Not sure that I fully grasped the importance of this until just now.  I would love to speak with these two and ask them, “Do you realize that if it wasn’t for you deciding to set my parents up, I wouldn’t exist?”

What would happen if you tried to break into a jail?

I like the word “triangulate.”

Read the thing I wrote at the end about Facebook (back in February).  I predicted it!

If you’re looking for the best search engine optimization company, simply type “search engine optimization” in Google and choose the first company that’s listed.

The “missed connections” section on Craigslist is an inspiration mine for fiction writers.

Everyone has a belief system and there is no way to determine which is valid, or more valid than another.  We are all confined to a worldview and in order to evaluate these, we must first step outside of them entirely.  And if we do that, we are not in any position to make sense of much at all.

Useless rhymes:  complicated/constipated, ontologist/oncologist

Vodka Taste Test

I want to start an American flag company that gets so big that it knocks out its competition.  A monopoly on patriotism.

What’s the term for the study of races?

Daniel Radcliffe pretty much has to dress up as Harry Potter for Halloween.

Helvetica

Hallucinogeneration

“It’s rough but it’s fair”

If I bought Rosetta Stone for the retail price (a couple hundred dollars), I would be inclined to use it regularly.  However, I was able to get it for free and because of that, I don’t feel guilty for my inconsistent usage.  Contrarily, the sunken cost fallacy dictates that I should use Rosetta Stone at a set frequency, regardless of how much money I paid for it. 

In other words, if I had bought the software for its retail price, the money I spent on it would be a “sunk cost” and thus, I should base my usage frequency only on relevant factors (how much free time I have, e.g.).  The key question is whether or not to buy Rosetta Stone in the first place, and this should be based on how much use I will get out of it, regardless of the cost.  After I figure that out, I can then determine if the price of the software is worth it for me. 

For the record, I’m typing this idea out in order to avoid using Rosetta Stone right now.  But hey, at least I didn’t pay for it.



The pledge of allegiance was originally going to include the word “equality” but the composer, Edward Bellamy, thought that the superintendants of education wouldn’t like it because of the whole black-people-and-women-aren’t-equal thing.

Santa & Mushrooms

Word of the Day:  indefatigable - (adj) tireless

I can’t imagine QVC having much success selling TVs.  How would the target market find out?

You don’t hear of too many Buddhist fundamentalists that give the rest of the Buddhists a bad name.

I would love to ask presidential nominees and other politicians the following question:  “Is it ever acceptable to break the law?”  If they say yes, I would claim that they should not be a politician in the U.S. government if they do not wholeheartedly believe in its core principles.  If they say no, I would bring up Rosa Parks.

Inflation has really affected the market for balloons. 

Your reaction to this blog is the underlying artistic meaning behind it.

I was gonna write an essay about nihilism but didn’t see the point.

TO DO:  Write a novel that breaks the 4^th wall mid-plot.

Should keep me busy for awhile...

Best Buy owns Napster.

You can’t be Christian and patriotic.

In the Steady Blur of the Days

from 11th Chorus, Desolation Blues by Jack Kerouac

“I have been empowered

to lay my hand

On your shoulder

and remind you

That you are utterly free,

Free as empty space.

---

Explode & go,

I won’t say nothin,

neither this rock,

And my outhouse doesnt care,

And I got no body”

I just realized that I always eat pop-tarts without toasting them because I’m too lazy to put them in the toaster.  I am actually too lazy for pop-tarts.

E.T. is God

The Pledge of Allegiance pledges allegiance “to the flag and the republic for which it stands.”  “To the flag and the republic.”  In addition to the republic, we are also pledging allegiance to the flag.  Why would we pledge allegiance to a flag in and of itself? 

If public nudity became socially acceptable, the Gap would be screwed.

Create a bumper sticker that says “back up, please.”

The mousetrap is the most frequently invented product in US history.

“Nothing lives which would be worthy

of your striving, and the earth deserves

not a sigh.

Pain and boredom is our being and the

world is excrement,

                                —nothing else.

Calm yourself.”

-Giacomo Leopardi

Listening

it's funny how music changes
the way you listen to it
inspired, invigorated, anxious
meandering from chord to chord,
unsure of the resolution

afraid to take the next step
for fear of dissonance
an active ear passively calling the shots

still working toward an ending
nowhere in sight or sound
perhaps the harmonies will hang
just a second longer,
or melodies unsung in airs of anticipation

Thelonious Funk

Lipslide/Other Side

At a nearby skatepark, police ticket kids who don’t where their helmets.  This makes sense from an economic perspective.  Overall, the skaters don’t realize the scope of their societal damage when they ride helmetlessly.  Expensive hospital trips, litigation, frustration, time, and fear are the result of injuries incurred by skating unprotected.  The townspeople can curb this behavior by forcing the culprits –skaters without helmets – to pay upfront for their statistical share of the damage.  In effect, ticketing these rule-breakers is equivalent to fining companies that pollute the environment.  There is now an economic incentive for the aforementioned groups to behave in ways that benefit the society as a whole, rather than solely the individual.

Sketch it Up

I spoke to a passionate caricaturist about his work.  This man graduated from the Wharton School of Business at UPenn, only to realize that his calling was more artistically inclined.  He told me that there are different philosophies behind the art of caricaturing, and regional differences between styles.  To the trained eye, one could tell where a caricaturist is from by the nature of his artwork.  His theory was that a good caricature is more recognizable than a photograph of the same person, because it accentuates the most prominent features of a person.  I fear that by only sharing these few details, you will not develop a full understanding of this man’s psychology- rather, just a caricature of his personality.  On second thought, maybe that’s not so bad.

Moving on...

I live in a state of anticipation.  Waiting for 12:15 so I can walk to class, waiting for the bread to pop out of the toaster.  But more generally, I spend my waking life living outside of the present.  All of my actions are either directly preparing myself for a stable future (e.g. going to college) or just killing time until I get there (e.g. listening to music, sleeping, whatever).  I have this fuzzy shape of how everything’s all going to turn out – because, ya know, it’s gotta turn out somehow, and most middle-class kids tend to grow up into middle-class adults.  But since time is separating me_now from me_then, I’m stuck waiting.  Once I get married, have two-and-a-half kids, and become the right fielder for my company’s softball team, will this anticipation disappear?  Will I then finally get to enjoy the present?  By then, will it be too late?

I Don't Get It

The Librarian of Congress is a badass profession.  English majors aspire to reach this level; the rhetorically competent Postmaster General.    He or she is responsible for appointing the US Poet Laureate.  The Po-La is a pretty fresh job, too.  It’s a vestige from Elightenment-era.  The town crier and the Po-La get together for tea ‘round noon.  Joseph Brodsky, former Po-La, established a program to make poetry available in airports, hotels, hospitals, and supermarkets.  A creative and potentially awesome idea, for sure.  The job of Po-La is to educate the US about poetry.  This seems beneficial on the surface, but I'm not sure how much of a difference he is making.  Instead, he should be responsible for painting the present US period in ink.  Tax dollars funding a poetic genius to tell future generations our tale – metaphorically, artistically, gutturally.

Cosmic Couch Potato

Saying Stuff

I’m saying stuff

He’s saying stuff, too

Then I say some more stuff and he responds to the stuff that I said.

I said that he said the stuff he was saying was already said, by someone instead

of him saying himself the stuff that he said

that I said.

Listerine was originally sold as a surgical antiseptic, and later as a cure for gonorrhea and a floor cleaner.

Beef, pork, chicken.  Why is there no euphemism for chicken meat?

Do Nothing for Two Minutes

I’m gradually coming to terms with the fact that learning is more important than grades.  This concept should be reinforced throughout one’s school career.

The Egg

Why isn’t there a decent (read: not attached to a cell phone) camera that can send photos directly to the internet ?

Eno(ugh)

Christian Scientists are Christians, not scientists.

RFD:  Alaska doesn’t have counties.

Dear Photograph

“When a Man Loves a Woman” is actually about a girl taking advantage of a guy who's in love with her.  Listen to the lyrics.

The word “sophomoric” means immature or juvenile, but its root, soph-, means wisdom.

Invisibility Cloak (yeah, for real)

The Beauty in the Banality

dribble (unfinished)

drib

ble drib

ble downthecourt

ball from hand to hand.

i pass the ball

he hands it off

drib

ble drib

ble. pass; a toss

acrossthecourt

i get the ball

Monkey Business

Better safeish than sorryish.

“Clint Eastwood” by the Gorillaz is called that because it samples the theme from “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.”

A Stellar Point

If I drink a glass of water after eating a pretzel, it quenches my thirst.  If I drink a glass of water before eating a pretzel, I’m thirsty after I finish the pretzel.  What’s going on here?

RFD:  The earliest written evidence of a collapsible umbrella dates back to 23 CE when Chinese Emperor Wang Mang used one on his cartridge.  Jesus got wet in the rain.

I would like to watch Kanye West and Bon Iver have a conversation about being stuck in traffic.

New Jersey casinos are not permitted to kick someone out because he is counting cards.

There’s no present like time.

“The African-American genome is about 80% African ancestry and 20% European ancestry.”

My thoughts constantly turn to infinite regress.  I’ll start thinking about something, like the fact that I’m thinking about thinking about something, and then I’ll think about that… You see what I mean.

Young Kerouac thought poetry was for pussies.

Bullshit Makes Money

Faux Gopher Fur

In The Mind’s I, Daniel Dennett shares a reductio ad absurdum that Galileo created.  I will do my best to paraphrase it:

Premise:  Heavy objects fall faster than light objects (relative to each other)

1.       If a heavy object (x) and a light object (y) are attached by a string and dropped off a tower, y will act as a drag to x, since it falls slower

2.       X will fall slower when it is attached to y

3.       However, when x and y are attached together, they create a new object (z)

4.       Z, which is heavier than x and y individually, will fall faster than x

5.       Z cannot fall both faster and slower than x, because this is a contradiction

Conclusion:  The premise is invalid

Bob Dylan sells out

Black & white photos will have a different sense of nostalgia in the future.

Fractal Dimensions!

Cleanliness is next to godliness, which is cool, but sometimes it gets confusing.  Like the other day I went to the gym and worked out for about an hour.  Afterwards, I meant to take a shower but ended up at church.  

Machiavelli’s “The Prince” is a satire.

The Dream Theater greatest hits cd is four and a half hours long.

No food is better than our food.

Millions of people find Jesus every year.  It’s amazing how often this guy gets lost.

Random Fact of the Day (RFD):  The first Gideon’s Bible was placed in a hotel room in Superior, Montana.

It kinda pisses me off when people apologize for slavery.  Unless they’re reformed slavemasters, in which case it’s the right thing to do.

Mellifluous is autological.

Which is harder- brain surgery or rocket science?

Sometimes the destination is more important than the journey.  Like going to the ER.

The Richie Jackson of BMXing

Scranton Scantron

“As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."

-Albert Einstein

Voyage seems to imply ship.

Rugrats Revisited

Do blind people see black or see nothing at all?  It’s difficult to imagine not seeing anything, ever.  I suppose the blind person’s perception of sight, in part, depends on whether they were born blind or became blind.

I never really new Harriet Beecher Stowe’s race until just now when I looked it up.

I’ve never understood making a donation in the name of someone else as a gift.  Is the assumption that the recipient was going to donate it anyway?  Or is this just a way to kill two stones with one bird if you were already planning on donating money?  By the way, who gets the tax deduction?

Envelopes envelop.

TO DO:  Write a book where every character’s dialogue gets its own font.

There should be a terrorist who demands that the time zones get switched. 

Don’t lean on your left elbow.

We've all been there before!

Israelis are Asians.

Three (related) thoughts:  Commercials for alcohol never show anyone acting drunk, or even tipsy.  I’ve never seen a beer commercial geared towards women.  I’ve never seen a wine commercial, at all.

Scantron tests should have a bubble section to enter your exam color.

IDKMYBFFJILL

As a kid, no one really ever tells you that you’re going to die.  It’s just something that everyone picks up on eventually.

“Yo” was first used in Philadelphia in the 70’s.

You know when you ask your friend for a piece of candy and you accidentally pull out two that are stuck together?  That’s like, the best.

@Artwork

“A Boy Named Sue” was written by Shel Silverstein.

The Rock, the Hill, and the Quarry

Yesterday, I came home after spending three weeks at Camp Woodward.  Immediately got back in the car and went to New York to chill with some friends for the evening.  I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed tonight.

I was going to write a few Woodward-themed paragraphs that resemble the previous post’s brief outline of my trip to Israel.  Upon starting the task, I opted to instead write this commentary.  Then I contemplated talking about the meta-language involved here.  After that, I started narrating this sentence and began to ponder the recursive nature of everything…

Before I lose focus, let me just list a few things that happened in the center of Pennsylvania:

• A kid shit in the shower (didn’t find the culprit, even after interrogations)
• Got to know a professional skateboarder’s kids
• Punched fire
• Lost a camper in the middle of the night
• Conversed with two drunken Amish teenagers
• Learned pole-jam back 180s

Then I realized that I didn’t explain that I didn’t want to write out a whole summary of the trip because memories are more malleable when they are left to the imagination.  So I did.

Falafel, Musa, and the AFC

I got back from Israel a few days ago and am now free of jet lag and shekels (well, except for a few coins I kept as souvenirs).  Memories have already begun to fade, so it seems especially important to write down some of the details that I can recall.

Throughout the trip, our group was accompanied by an armed security guard.  Oogie, the 22-year-old rifle-wielding ex-professional vocalist, made sure no crazy shit went down.  Aside from calming a drunken vagabond outside a hookah bar in Bet Yam, his duties were mainly preventative.  Dressed in stone-washed jeans, Versace frames, and Chuck Taylors, you would never know he wasn’t part of our group (okay, maybe the thick Israeli accent would have given it away).

Our tour guide, Hagai, was the man.  Strangely obsessed with sundried snippets of Americana, he would often fill a lull driving through the Negev with brief renditions of songs you might hear on VH1.  “Love shack, baby love shack!”  According to him, bus rides would always take a certain number of minutes “give or take 15 seconds.”  I still haven’t quite figured out the Israeli sense of humor, but I think it involves sarcasm.

(I could go on to talk about our chain-smoking, watermelon-buying bus driver, Musa, or our trip coordinators, Merav and Omri, but I am currently packing up for skate camp and must leave some details out.)

Throughout the trip, we went to many places including the Western Wall, the Dead Sea, Masada, and even a Bedouin tent, where we spent the night.  Moving from kibbutz to hostel to tent for 10 days was physically exhausting but mentally refreshing.  After getting too accustomed to one location and one way of life, daily comfort turns into monotony.  By breaking the routine and living out of a suitcase for a week and half, I got a much-needed environmental shift.

My favorite part of the trip?  Tough to say.  If I had to pick something that stands out above the rest, it would be meeting actual Israelis my age.  For five days and nights, Israeli citizens ages 18-21 tagged along with us and effectively became part of our group.  In Israel, once you turn 18, both boys and girls are required to join the Israeli Defense Force (IDF).  I’ve learned that most are proud to defend their country and view it as a civic responsibility.  The fact that virtually all native Israelis have served in the IDF means many things:  guns aren’t a big deal, young people are fairly mature, there is really strong nationalism, you can get a free bus ride anywhere if you’re wearing a uniform.

It’s impossible to perfectly convey any given minute of personal experience to another person, let alone a 10-day trip to Israel.  Hopefully it worked anyway, though.  Here’s some pictures: 

Karma Meter

“May the days be aimless. Let the seasons drift. Do not advance the action according to a plan.”

-Don DeLillo, White Noise

"Animal Collective has replaced being alive.  I aspire to think of myself as an analog person, but I am not.  I have been converted to digital without the remastering, and the fidelity is appalling."

-Chuck Klosterman, Eating the Dinosaur

Ya Know?

Everyone has thought at some point that “we should have our own TV show.”

All whiptail lizards are female.  Guess how they reproduce.

Good novels aren’t about stories, they’re about ideas.

Band name:  HMO and the Pre-existing Conditions

Do pregnant women pay a sharing charge at restaurants?

Jefferson's Bible

I can never think of a joke when someone asks me to think of a joke.

Thanks, Google, for reminding me it was Mother’s Day.  We’re even now.

Tap water is regulated much more than bottled water.

Doesn't disingenuous just mean genuous?

Thomas Edison founded General Electric.

If mayo is so fattening, why is there a health clinic named after it?

Handwritten signatures will soon be obsolete.

Demographic-Economic Paradox

We’re all method actors.

"The tides come in, the tides go out, sun go up, sun go down."

Let Me Know

The following is a story that a friend sent to me through text messages.  I edited it for minor grammar mistakes and changed the names.

Okay first of all, he looks the exact same as he used to be.  It’s like he’s stuck in his little “Lance in Mr. Pfeiffer’s class” skin for the rest of his life.  So we start talking; it’s made all the more awkward cause Deborah [Lance’s mom] is just standing there moderating our conversation.  Soon into our chat Hank [a fellow congregant] walks into the room.  I impulsively looked over due to his imposing stature.  We caught each other’s eye and he strode over to shake my hand.  He gave his condolences (“Thank you, thank you”), made some small talk, (“No, Hank, I didn’t catch the game last night”), and then he left.  Just completely ignored Lance who, chipper just seconds before, was now obviously disgruntled. 

After that incident we returned to conversing, but the level of uncomfortableness was now unbearable.  Naturally our talk turned to schooling and our future plans.  It turned out we both go to BCC.  Finally we had something in common!  However, this moment of bliss was short-lived.  He was talking about some class (I forget what it was, let’s just say it was Ethics of Business Law and Marketplace Philosophy for the purpose of our discussion).  Reluctant to trod on any toes, I feigned interest in this class (much like I did with Steve Holt and Nimitz class). 

This is where the bomb gets dropped.  I said, “Let me know how the class is and if I should take it next semester.”  “Sure, I’ll be sure to tell you how it turns out,” he responded.  It seemed like we had finally reached a level of nonawkwardness.  But then ten seconds later after the banter, we both realized something:  we didn’t have each other’s number, and we weren’t Facebook friends.  I didn’t even have his e-mail.  We never go to synagogue anymore.  It was highly likely that I would never see Lance again, and if I did, it would be in a few years when this topic would be obsolete.  Once it dawned on both of us that there was absolutely no way he would ever be able to “let me know” how his class was, it became horribly awkward, and I had to bow out of the conversation soon after that.

Visionary Vigilante

Counters provide at least two purposes.  The first is pretty obvious; they act as surface that can be used for signing papers, holding bags, etc.  In addition, the counter that separates the customer from the employee, or the novice from the professional, acts as a physical barrier to symbolize the distinction between two people.  The person that approaches the counter is there for a reason.  Namely, he requests the services of the person behind the counter or the person whom is represented by the person behind the counter.  He is weak and he needs assistance.  

The person behind the counter is in a position of power.  She has been in the same position long before the approaching person came into the building.  The counter means that she isn’t going anywhere.  The area behind the counter is reserved for professionals, and it is an area that she has access to.  When you try to speak to her, the counter is keeping you from getting too close.  All of these functions are counter-intuitive.

You're going to call me a fee-fee boy for crying at a movie?

Does the Exxon tanker run on its own fuel?

In school, we are only taught by those who have chosen teaching as a profession.  This inherently biases the information that the students receive.

Keep east in Easter.

You can always tell someone they don’t accept criticism well.  Either they agree, or they disagree, thus proving your point.

Facebook has a Twitter.  Twitter has a Facebook.

Having fewer kids is seldom suggested as a way to preserve the environment but in many respects, it is much more effective than recycling or buying a hybrid.  Also, suicide is another strategy for “going green.”  Generally speaking, the fewer humans there are, the better shape the planet will be in.  But humans are selfish and care more about themselves than about Earth.

It's true

Fashion is always making statements, but never exclaiming, questioning, or commanding.

What did everyone do before alarm clocks?

“Lola” by the Kinks and “Walk on the Wild Side” by Lou Reed are about the same transvestite.

Do medical students often convince themselves that they have medical students’ disease?

I can now notice myself aging in pictures that were taken within seemingly recent memory.

How do you delete the recycling bin?

I can never recall the exact moment that I fell asleep.

Weird